What does aging gracefully mean to you? For some seniors, it means accepting the number of candles on your birthday cake without trying to look or act younger than you are. But for others, especially those with physical challenges, it’s a euphemism that downplays the hardships of growing older. Yet, aging gracefully is possible for all older people. It comes down to attitude, not what you look like or what activities you can or cannot do.
Of course, today’s seniors don’t have a manual for how to act in the later stages of life, nor do they have many great role models. As a society, we’re still in relatively new territory when it comes to answering the question, “What is aging gracefully?” In 1900, the average life expectancy was 47 years old. And as recently as 1950, it was only 58. So for generations, most people with gray hair were considered “old.” Today, that’s no longer the case.
We can make our own rules now. You grow old gracefully by choosing your own attitude and approach to change. Everyone is different. We all have unique challenges and strengths.
Consider the origin of the word “grace”: It comes from the Latin term “gratus,” which means pleasing. Many seniors say that one benefit of growing older is that they realize they don’t have to please anyone but themselves. So no matter how you approach the inevitable changes that come with age, it’s important to feel good about yourself. The senior years are a time to celebrate your accomplishments and the knowledge you’ve gained through experience.
In this article, you’ll learn about the factors that influence our feelings about aging and why a positive outlook is important. You’ll also explore tips about how to approach some of the outward signs of aging.
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What Does It Mean to Age Gracefully?
“Don’t regret growing older. It’s a privilege denied to many.” Nobody is sure who first uttered those words, but the sentiment is timeless. Although we’re often surrounded by messages telling us that aging is a negative experience, growing older isn’t a bad thing (especially considering the alternative).
In fact, our overall happiness levels tend to rise with age. One reason might be that we typically face fewer stressors related to work and relationships as we grow older. But psychologists also speculate that we acquire a more balanced perspective through hard-earned experience.
Growing awareness of our own mortality may help us appreciate our lives more, instead of comparing our circumstances to others and striving for more material things. And research shows that it’s our attitude and connection to others that influence our satisfaction with our lives. The landmark Harvard Study of Adult Development, which tracked participants into their 80s and 90s, found that lifestyle factors have a bigger impact on happiness levels than wealth or fame. And “subjective health” (how healthy you feel) has a greater impact than “objective health” (whether or not you have health issues).
In other words, our feelings about aging can play a big role in how we approach it. That’s one reason why many seniors don’t see themselves as “old” at all. According to a Pew Research Center study, about half of young adults aged 18 to 29 say they feel their age. But 60 percent of adults over 65 say they feel younger than their age. Only three percent feel older than their actual age. (In contrast, about one quarter of people in the 18-to-25 age group say they feel older than their age.)
So if “old age” is not a static stage of life, then the oft-repeated phrase “you’re only as young as you feel” may be a good guide to graceful aging. And our ability to remain open to new experiences and to grow and change may also be a key component to aging with dignity.
Under this approach, having strong social connections and pursuing fun activities are important components of graceful aging. It isn’t necessarily how well we hide the outward signs of growing older, but how we approach the activities in our daily lives that makes a difference.
The Aging Process and Happiness: Ego Integrity vs. Despair
Why do we age? The answer is complex, with many factors coming into play (including many unknown factors). Here’s one aging definition that’s perhaps too concise: the accumulation of damage to our cells, a process which starts as young as the age of 24. It’s an incomplete definition because it only accounts for the physical causes of aging, not the psychological impacts of physical changes.
Here’s another important fact to remember: Not all changes are bad. In fact, our brains undergo some positive changes with age, such as giving us calmer reactions to negative experiences. However, that isn’t necessarily true of everyone: You probably know a few people who always respond more negatively to unwanted change than others.
That leads to another question: Why do some people remain open to new experiences as they age, while others become more set in their ways? Psychologists may have an answer.
According to development psychologist Erik Erikson’s stages of development theory, a life is divided into eight separate stages, each marked by the need to resolve an internal conflict. In the eighth stage, which begins around the age of 65, the conflict is about ego integrity versus despair.
According to Erikson, ego integrity versus despair is a conflict that can be resolved by reflecting on your life and taking stock of your accomplishments and failures:
- Overall, do you feel proud of your life? If so, you’re in a state of ego integrity. (That doesn’t necessarily mean you haven’t made any mistakes, but you feel fulfilled when you look back on the things you’ve done.)
- Or are you bitter about life’s disappointments? If so, you may be in a state of despair. (People in a despairing state may be more fearful of death because they feel they haven’t done enough with their lives. They may also be depressed and angry. And they might react more negatively to age-related physical and emotional changes and have a more rigid mindset about aging.)
Part of aging gracefully may involve achieving the ego integrity stage. If we understand the purpose and meaning of our lives, we’ll be more prepared for the inevitable challenges of growing older. We can adapt to change more easily. That’s why this kind of mature perspective can be one of the rewards of aging—benefits that are backed by science. Research has found that seniors with positive attitudes toward aging experience less cognitive decline. And those positive feelings can even lead to a longer life.
Of course, it’s hard to maintain a positive attitude if you have medical problems, experience loneliness, or suffer from depression. But if physical or psychological problems are influencing the way you feel about growing older, talk to your doctor, therapist, or someone else you trust. As more and more Americans enter their senior years, more help is becoming available.
4 External Signs of Aging and How to Approach Them Gracefully
It’s possible to predict some events in the aging process by decade of life. (For example, by age 60, most women have completed menopause.) But as we get older, it’s often harder to guess a person’s age. A combination of lifestyle, genetics, and just plain luck influences how old a person appears to be. Simply put, we all age differently. And since we can’t control time, aging slowly isn’t possible. (Those birthdays are going to happen every year, no matter what we do.) But some people do seem to look younger than others of the same age.
These external factors often play a role in how we feel about our age, even though we’re reacting to elements that are only appearance-based. They can also impact how we’re perceived by others. As a result, many people are upset when they start to see signs of growing older (especially if they still feel young).
Although we know that we shouldn’t stress about these signs, sometimes it’s hard not to. Our society tends to view signs of aging as something to hide instead of celebrate. So we don’t always recognize the rewards of this stage of life. Even when we’re told that “60 is the new 40,” for example, the underlying assumption is that being 40 is inherently better than being 60.
But graceful aging doesn’t necessarily mean accepting wrinkles and gray hair and learning to love them. Instead, to age gracefully means to pay attention to what makes you feel best. So check out these four commonly asked questions about the outward signs of aging and learn what you should consider:
1. Going Gray: What Should I Do?
“Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life.”—Proverbs 16:31
Does that proverb make you laugh? For some people, gray hair represents wisdom and maturity. But most people aren’t particularly thrilled if they start going gray early. After all, people with gray hair are often deemed to be “old” for no other reason than the lack of color in their locks.
Gray hair can even be a source of controversy. (Just consider the press coverage that resulted when the Duchess of Cambridge was photographed with gray roots.) But a growing number of people now embrace silver or gray hair. In fact, even some younger people are opting to dye their hair those colors: The gray hair trend was one of the biggest beauty-related news stories of 2018.
Should you color over graying hair? This is a complicated question for many seniors. But the natural process of hair turning gray is actually quite simple: The follicle at the root of each hair strand contains pigment cells with a substance called melanin that determines the color of that strand. As we age, these pigment cells gradually die off, so new hair strands become more transparent. The result? Gray, silver, or white hair.
